Please Stop Apologizing For Crying

Lots of people cry for lots of reasons. It’s a perfectly normal human trait that most of us do or have done. What’s not so normal is the pathological need to apologize for doing so.

It seems common across generations. Most of the people I’ve observed apologizing for crying (and at rocket speed) are women, who apologize thinking they’ve broken a “big rule” by crying in front of others.

They way I look at tears is that they are emotions revealing themselves, and if you want to be super scientific, scholars have found that tears change chemically depending on the emotion behind the crying – happiness, grief, relief, fear, frustration.

At what point are we trained to apologize for crying? My guess is about the same time we learn to hide our true emotions, which is pretty early in life.

In the movie “A Simple Favor”, Blake Lively’s character told her best friend “Don’t apologize. It’s a f*d up female habit.”

Apologies are necessary to heal wounds, soothe souls and right wrongs. But apologizing for a normal display of emotion – tears – should stop, even and especially in the workplace.

I want to know that I am working alongside people who care about others and themselves and who extend that caring to their work. Crying is not a sign of weakness and we shouldn’t judge others for it. If we didn’t judge, there would be no reason for apologies.

If someone cries it does not mean they are less – less capable, less driven, less committed. Crying indicates emotion and doesn’t (usually) mean a person has lost control or composure or capability.

If you cry in front of others, please, please quit apologizing. If someone apologizes for crying in front of you, try to reflect compassion. What I say is “never apologize for being your authentic self.”

It’s a heck of a lot kinder way navigate this planet.